I immediately dug into my food supply and had several hot Chile filled burritos for breakfast, O friends, truly the wrong thing to do if your not prepared to use the outdoors or bushes in the wilderness.

Please understand that this is ok for a normal sighted person, but imagine a blind guy pulling his canoe into what he thinks to be a quiet isolated cove, and fighting his way into the bushes to be suddenly pounced upon by someone’s mad camp dog. And then a whole camp family looks over the bushes to see what the heck Rover is barking at?

True and don’t want to say more here but please don’t eat bean filled burritos for breakfast folks, unless you got good eyes. Does this make any sense to you?

It was already to late to explore the east fork of the lake so thought it might be best to head due north across to the distant and safe shallows and stump area where few boats travel and make my way around to the dock and store to see about fresh water and ice for my two year supply of those three pound burritos.

I loaded up with what I thought might be needed for the day and headed out north. Lesson here: while standing high upon an island looking out over a body of water, the distance on a lake doesn’t seem to great, but once you get into a canoe and start paddling, that distance turns into a voyage!

One certainly learns fast about the safety of the visible shore, especially when he is a blind man, and leaves safe shore and warm tent behind, and gets caught into the open lake winds. Oh did I fail to mention that there seems to be a dislike for canoes by ski boats? Yes, this is sort of like the rivalry between skiers and snow boarders but in this case the canoe has a real disadvantage. And so it was when a ski boat came at me a hundred miles an hour, and didn’t see me until it was three feet away, and made a sudden turn, leaving a four foot wave flowing over my head.  This is where I think my camera might have gotten  its final soaking.

Now these so called lake breezes are nothing for a heavy boat with a 90 horse powered motor, but try this with a sixteen foot   empty canoe, pushed by an old blind man, totally out of shape and just knows he is ready heart attack  material. These hurricane like winds seem to have a mind of their own and want to take your boat south in the opposite direction to the dam, where the only way out is either over the spillways or by helicopter!

Of course my expertise came into play here and I promised myself never to do this again. After about two hours of heavy paddling, totally sun burned, even under my eye lids and near exhaustion I arrived into shallow water. I immediately found a rocky shore and loaded up the bow of my canoe with about 50 pounds of rocks to keep the boat from being blown off course like  a paper bag in the wind. 

Somewhere in here I am sure I discovered the first damage to my brand new camera. So much for my new camera. I now spent another hour trying to shake the water out of it and got it working good enough to at least click and move forward. But my camera repair ability ended abruptly the next day, when I allowed the knot to untie, and without realizing it the camera slid into deep water in the back of the boat and remained underwater all night. So as mentioned above, all pictures will be thus described.

Photo #3: This shot is looking through the multitude of stumps in the shallow part of the lake. Off in the far distance you can see my island, I call it my island because I’m still the only one staying on it. There on the eastern tip in the trees you might be able to see my little tent blowing in the breeze. If you look hard enough you’ll also see the low area just behind my tent, hey, that is the swamp area that I’m planning to explore soon. I fixed this photo into my mind, for it’s the only reference point there is for me to get back. It’s easy to get turned around in the wind and lose ones perspective. You will also notice the glare of the sun upon the water, this is also how I come to navigate direction; sort of like a wild goose does. I know as long as I keep the sun on my left I’m going south but once it gets directly overhead anything can happen and so it did. 

Now finding the lake and store dock wasn’t all that hard to do, just had to follow the music, the roar of boat engines and the smells.

It did get a little tough when I couldn’t find the entrance into the boat dock area, it was somewhat obscured  by the huge signs that announced the ENTRANCE!!!

Ok, once through the 50 foot opening I played dumb. By this you must understand that it might be a little strange to paddle into a harbor where there are tons of moving boats worth lots of money and holler out, “hey anyone out there, I’m blind, can you help me find my way to the dock, where I can park this dang plastic ship?”

Can you imagine the reaction one might get? “Blind, hey why the heck is this guy allowed loose on the lake in the first place, isn’t he a danger to every living thing?”

“How stupid can one get, a blind man feeling his way around a huge lake, doesn’t he know that lakes don’t have brail?” And so this is why I prefer to just be cool and play dumb!

Not bad, only bounced off one large cruiser that didn’t even see me and another ski boat threw some empty beer cans at me, at least I thought they were empty, and another boat shoved me off with a long stick but eventually among some cussing and ill aimed words, I found a quiet place to tie up to, and crawled onto the rocking dock.

Oh yes, got to realize that once you been in a rocking boat for three hours, hey your brain sort of sticks in that motion and you rock while you walk. Now add near blindness to this rock-n-roll and put all this into a real grubby bearded package and you got one heck of a curiosity?

Everyone seemed to stay out of my way as both the dock and me was rockin as I stumbled along headed up and up to where there existed a store. A few far out hippie types gave me the “Hey man got a beer query” but I acted like I was a blind man who just paddled in on a canoe and was rockin my brains out and they backed off. Got to the store, thought I was buying water and soda but later I discovered it turned out to be some Alligator Juice and guess what, yes beer!

At first I was really upset, but then thought this might be one of those times that I could win my freedom from the rapper boat gang if they did return, and so kept it for a possible bribe.

Then finally I found the ice, and made sure it was ice, couldn’t go much wrong there but left short changed. Hey, no big deal, wrong change is normal when people discover you can’t see if your handing over a $10 or a $20 bill but in this case, I only had tens and didn’t lose to much; besides how are you going to argue this if you can’t see the change they gave you back anyhow?

After a wonderful time bumping around in that air conditioned store I made my way back to the dock area. I got back to my canoe or at least where I thought I left my canoe. Oh wow, what the heck happened to my boat or to my borrowed boat?

Did I forget where I parked it or what? I retraced my directions and counted my steps, checked out the sun and stood there baffled, this had to be the right dock, I couldn’t have got that turned around, could I? Then some kind dock worker, I think it was the driver of the Rap gang boat, because he had blue hair,   told me that he had moved it to the other side, because I was parked in the Coast Guard spot and thought they might not take a liking to my audacious action. I thanked him as he told me that I only owed him $10 bucks for parking and tie up fee’s, just kidding, he then added, ”I’ll collect later!“

This guy was cool, he saw that I was a real lake bum, and instantly took a liking to me and wanted to know if I wanted to buy ten pounds of island grown swamp dope or needed any pain killers.  Those pain killers tempted me but hey, what’s a challenge with pain killers?

I told him “Na, can’t you see, I am pretty well out of it now, really don’t need anything else, just might crash and burn in my mean canoe!”

Thus my first stop at the dock concluded and I had the place wired. What I mean by wired is that a blind person or someone with poor sight is always marking his way with signs and sounds, and stores this information away for later use, if ever need be. This is why my mind is filled up with billions of useless facts, sounds and notes. Now if and when I returned, I knew how to get into the harbor, where to tie up to and exactly how many steps up to the parking lot and how many steps up to the store, which side the door opened up to and where the beer was and the water was not.

Photo #4: Now can you see all those hundreds of boats, well my canoe was right smack dab in the middle of them all. Those few people standing at the dock with raised fists are especially raised towards me, because I accidentally made a two hundred thousand dollar boat swerve and hit the dock. Fortunately no one was hurt, but guess the gas pump had to be shut down for a few hours and I got away just as the Coast Guard came to investigate the gas spill.

At last some peace came to me, thinking I knew my way back to my island with clear sailing or should I say paddling, and off I went fully assured of a safe trip home…WRONG!

Once out of the boat dock area, I went southeast, tracing my route backwards. Along the outer dock, along the tree lined shore, up to the big rock, then into the hundreds of stumps, but first my bladder was calling again, so this meant a swim. But while taking a quick swim I  thought to explore the sandy shore here for later stops. While walking around, just missed a great disaster when I stepped into a old fire pit partially covered with sand and my foot sank into three inches of broken wine bottles. “Oh sheet,” I shouted and jumped back and sat down on the hot sand and burnt my rear  while checking out my foot. By the way, since I forgot my bathing suit an  jogging pants were way to hot, I was now wearing blue underwear instead. Those old tire tread sandals saved the day for me except for one three inch gash on my right foot but just rubbed old ashes into it and decided to leave this exploring stuff well enough alone for now.

Just want to let the reader of this narrative know that partially sighted humans very often find troubles that would not normally come to sighted folks.  Why would a sighted person step into a fire pit? Why would a sighted person trip over a very visible log or a bolder the size of a Volkswagen, fall, and hit his elbow on a rock, and come up screaming?

Why, oh why would anyone have to count steps, measure distances, calculate times, shadows and directions, just to buy a bottle of water? And all this trying to be accomplished in a state of pure normalcy? What the heck would a normal person even be doing out here in this situation. I thought all this while trying to get my anger under control and as I looked around, couldn’t hear nor see anyone and realized that a normal human would never have been here at all, and then fully understood that I was not normal and could never be so!

Ah now, through the stumps I paddled,   and got stuck in quicksand and mud and sand at least a dozen times, and was attacked by diving geese  when I entered into a no human zone,     but eventually found the deep water. Took a sighting of the sun, looked for my two mountains and the island and wahla, I was lost! 

No way, how could this be, the island was right there this morning?

Ok, lets get logical. The sun is now right in the middle of the sky, not good, but the mountain is still there, isn’t it?

Yes, so lets head a little to the right of that peak and in a short time we should arrive at my island, right?

Well of course, this is perfect logic for a human with sight but not so good for men of limited vision.

  

No matter what, that island wasn’t going to disappear on me like that, it’s got to be out there somewhere and away I went. About a half hour into this long distant paddle, the afternoon wind came on. Oh yes, it came directly out of the south and for every paddle stroke I took forward, I went backwards three strokes. It took about an hour of getting nowhere and some really bad chest pains to make me realize that something else had to be done. The first thing was to put on my life jacket, oh, bet you thought I didn’t have one right? True, but my buddy Jack wouldn’t loan me his canoe unless I took one, and oh boy did it come in handy, thanks friend!

Thus, at this time I   gave up the paddling stuff, jumped over board, took the bow rope and began swimming towards the island, now towing my canoe!

Now if you ever thought distance was all in perspective, then you never tried towing a canoe in 40 mile an hour winds and having two foot waves splash in your face every second. Perspective, sure, just try it one day and see if you can find your way, only close your eyes.

The winds had driven all the boats that might have possibly rescued me off the lake and I was alone. I could have just let the wind take me back to broken bottle beach but no way was I going to give up, and so continued to swim. After about an hour of this I had no idea where I was but the wind had not slowed its blow against me and my little boat. Well then, I knew I was at the end of my line, and that was true,   so thought I’d turn to higher powers and did so. Hey guess what, within ten minutes the wind began to die down to almost nothing. I pondered distances on this matter. Just how long does it take for a prayer to reach the One in control of wind on lakes, and then does He have to notify another power and then someone gets out there and actually tells the wind maker to stop? Why ten minutes, why not three, I pondered, it must be some flaw in the  system.

Photo #5: You can see a drifting canoe, empty and alone, sort of looks eerie in a way, especially as you notice the coast guard boat coming up to se what the heck was going on? Reminds me of a Warning Poster in the Coast Guard Office to never go out on a windy lake alone. 

At this point in my swim pull, the Coast Guard boat nearly ran me down but I dove under the canoe just in time. I came up choking and surprised the officer looking my boat over.

”Hey, what the heck are you doing out here alone, don’t you know that these afternoon winds howl through this channel and can actually turn boats over,” he asked in irritation.

“Well sort of Sir Officer Friend and Pal but I’m training for the old man Olympics and need to exercise and thought this wind would be a challenge to me. But if you think there is any danger of me hurting anyone else, you can tow me to the island if you would?”

“Well, that is not our job if your training for the Olympics and we wouldn’t want to damage your chances of qualifying…but just to let you know, your about 50 feet from the island already.”

I couldn’t believe it and put my foot down and oh wow, touched bottom! Remember that thing about perspective, well that is how it works for me.

I stood up and pulled the canoe towards shore and asked the officer standing there laughing, “Did my wife put you guys up to this?”

“Sir, what makes you think such a thing?”

Well, its just the way you showed up at just the right time and you seemed to know something about me. And you asked me if I had paid my insurance premium and if I still had plenty of burritos?“

The swift talking officer hesitated for a moment but then muttered, “In all fairness, we did get a strange call from a woman muttering something about a old nut lost on the lake, and if we would keep an eye out for him, since he had none and something to keep him alive until the new policy went through. Then there’s the smell of gas in a canoe?”

 

“That does it, enough of this training for the old folks Olympics, I quit and by the way, do you guys want a soda, it’s a long story, but got a few very different ones here on ice.”

They gladly accepted, took a double take but  went their way and I paddled around the tip and brought my boat to a safe stop in its niche and I was home by early evening, three hours late.

No doubt, I was tired, sore and there were muscles on my body that even medical charts didn’t know about, but hey, this was great and a raw experience for sure. I wanted challenge and I certainly got challenge. And no doubt, my first challenge was to figure out how I was going to keep my face from dropping off with a sunburned smile still attached to my facial bones?

Then there were those unpleasant unmentionables like hemorrhoids , tired ear drums, rumbling intestines, drained brain and a gash on my foot along with a rash from my jogging pants that could put a new pharmacy into business with only one purchase of rash cream or some other magic potion, but oh boy was I having fun!

I made it back and I   joyfully rolled up my ball bearing pathway to my camp, screamed at the crows and squirrels that were now sitting around my camp site as if they owned the place. I saw that they had helped themselves to my burrito supply (they were gonna be sorry) but I really didn’t care at this time. I put in what was left of my block of ice and fell into my tent and even that rock under my bed felt wonderful.

I don’t know how much time passed but found myself in a hideous nightmare and awoke with the roaring of evil, devil inspirited rap kill everyone music and either my sight had totally failed or it was now pitch black outside. Sure enough, the sun was gone and the lake was wild with boaters gone mad, and my mood was not proving itself to be so tolerable and screamed out, “Shut that satanic god forsaken devil worshipping, good for nothing jungle loser screaming garbage music off or I’ll come out there and sink your freaking boats!!!”

Suddenly the entire lake went quiet and I said, “Thank you and keep my lake quiet!”

With this, everything that could make noise burst into even louder sound systems and this was bad at first until I realized that this concussion throbbing through the air was cutting a swath through the hoards of mosquitoes in mid flight! Decided to wait it out, went for a late evening swim and washed a lot of pain away and after drying off, sat down to enjoy another great meal of…burritos AGAIN?

Night flushed in quietly and I was ready this time, for the fire on the mountain burst again and soon the full moon arose so bright this time that I had to hide from it, thought it would burn me worse. Truly my spirit was calmed and the entire day of trials faded away with the sight of this awesome moon. I got out my guitar again and this time enjoyed watching the sparkling moon beams dance on the water and I think that this moon had even awed the rap gang into silence, and it was peaceful. 

Wrong, and Nada, the full moon only must have driven these rap nuts out of their holes, for about an hour later here they came picking on me again. I guess because my camp site was so right there on the point of the lake they couldn’t miss me. But this time I was ready for them. When they started yelling for beer, I said, “Oh idiot dog dung rap friends, you want beer, you’ll get beer!”

At this moment I think that I must have felt invincible, after my near death experience of today, and my calming of the wind prayer, and told this boat load of punk rappers to get ready for beer for it was on its way. And with this, I took up a can, popped its popper or whatever else  you call it and with all my might screamed sort of a mad gorilla screech of attack,   and threw the can at their boat. I heard the first cann hit the side of their boat, and someone yelled, “Sheet, this guy is nuts, he’s throwing beer at us!”

I guess you might say I sort of had it with this ruination of nature, and

with this announcement I screamed another   blood curdling scream of, ” Death to hideous death rapper music, and all those who insult peaceful waters,” and proceeded to bombard their boat with open cans of beer!

At first there was a scream to come and get me, but I guess I must have hit someone pretty good and this knocked some sense into them and they decided that it was best to leave this out of mind and mad old blind man alone and thus they started up their engine and split with the last beer can bouncing off the drivers blue dyed head, and the boat swerved a few times and finally disappeared around the corner, never to be heard of again.